family: shield them or let them in?

[zxrider_sa]

I saw that this topic had not had a post yet, so I figured I would throw one out there that is an important topic regarding the fire service and family life. Obviously, everyone in the fire service knows about the sometimes tragic and traumatic everts that we face throughout our careers. The reality is that at some point, there will be events that you will be deeply affected by. Something that upsets your normal behavior. The question is, do you keep these things buried inside in hopes to shield your spouse or other members of your family from these horrors? Or do you open up to your family for their support, even if that regards telling realities that you never want them to face? Do you believe in shielding them or letting them in?

[rchristen118]

ZX...
I think this is a great topic that is seldom discussed. I must say that for me, it is a bit of a gray area. I find it to be very situational. Recently me and my crew ran a call for a 2 month old infant in cardiac arresst. Unfortunatly, despite our BEST efforts the baby girl did not make it. Needless to say this weighed heavily upon us. As the company officer I did my job of offering the crew a CISD. None accepted. I took our next day off, cleared my schedule and went for a motorcycle ride with my Engineer and we invited the firefighter to join us for lunch. Bottom line is that you cannot play tough and bottle it up. It will boil over, and will eat you up inside. The result will be BURN-OUT! Too often many of us turn to booze and bury it down. I firmly believe that it must be talked about! I have sat through CISDs in my career, and for myself I find that the best way to handle it is to simply talk it out with the men and women that were there. That having been said I will sometimes tell my wife. Depending on how bad it is I may not. I signed up to deal with the worst parts of life. She did not. I will spare her the details. But, I do know that it will affect me and it will show. After the infant died, I was angry at little things. I was withdrawn from my family. I was bothered for days. While I spare the details to my wife she does need to at least know what is going on. She needs to know that I went through something very difficult and emotional so that she can understand why I am behaving different. Also it helps so that she can be there for me, wether I decide to talk about it or not. I cant say if you should or should not tell your family. But, I can say that you better talk about with someone, and I recommend you talk about with your crew.